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Rough patch

Life has been really quite hard for me this August.

Things are not going smoothly and my stress levels are WAY up.

The Ikea furniture we attempted to buy for my room in July has been ordered and delivered all wrong. We told the salesperson we wanted a 3 door wardrobe with one of the doors being a mirrored door. He made a mistake and ordered 3 oak doors for us instead. Admittedly, we were also at some fault for not double-checking the order. I have tried to get on to Ikea’s case about resolving this mistake but they are not really responsive… I guess you can kind of see why…

Just started a new job which has been fine so far but it’s been challenging having to manage new colleagues and relationships with competitive people. There is also an expectation for me to do a ton of this and that “because you are a fellow now!” I have a lot on my mind and on my plate at the moment so I am really struggling with keeping up with the enthusiasm that other fellows are displaying.

Mum ended up in hospital for what sounded like a vasovagal after her procedure. I was so worried about her. And now we await the results… which is majorly anxiety-inducing– to the point of tears! I don’t actually want to talk about this cos it is seriously stressing me out… all I can say is that I really want to be home with them all now. I wish I wasn’t so far from my family… perhaps it really is time to return to the motherland for good.

I put on weight. After a nice streak of going down on the kilos, the weight is coming back again. Maybe part of it is muscle bulk, but I also clearly know the times when I have lost control. Take last night for example. I had 1000 calories left to eat at 8pm. I was 900 calories down by 10pm cos I could not stop my mouth craving more and more and more. My self discipline is abysmal.

I had my ALS recertification today, and believe it or not you can still fail your CAStest even when you are a post CCT anaesthetic fellow and resuscitation is the bread and butter of your everyday job. I actually had to resit the damned thing when the (clearly incompetent) nurse in my group passed it. Oh, and to add fuel to flame- 2 of my colleagues were the instructors who tested and failed me. I have also been denied instructor status. From the sound of it, that was largely because I gave some negative feedback to the above-mentioned nurse who completely balls’d up her scenario. They wanted me to provide more “balanced feedback”– but how the heck do you give good feedback when literally everything was done wrong? Am I expected to lie? In my opinion I was gentle in the way I gave the negative feedback, especially when she could hardly even get the words “PEA” out of her mouth and wanted to deliver a shock for this non-shockable rhythm. I am pretty upset, seeing as I was offered IP the last time and even went as far as completing the GIC. Now I have nothing.

There are more stressful stuff coming up: Monday for mum’s results, then the EDRA and the oral presentation, and completing the RPL before the end of October!

I really need strength! Dear Lord please be my fortress through these trials. Please give me peace. Please help me not to worry. Please lift me out of the pit. Please help this rough patch to pass as quickly as possible. Please help me to trust you.