Loneliness knows me by name

Tonight has been a really difficult night for me.

Randomly, I am awash with a really deep hurting inside.

There is a heaviness weighing down in my heart,

A throbbing ache in my gut,

A desperate sorrow that I cannot even begin to describe.

Somehow, tears of loneliness have found their way out of the sockets of my eyes.

I am terribly missing something that has never been mine.

I am overcome with agonising wanting.

For companionship, for friendship, for relationship.

If ever I knew a lonely girl, I am the one.

My singleness is slowly but surely eating me away.

It is the thorn in my flesh, my cross to bear.

I want to love and be loved.

I want to treasure and be treasured.

I want a hand to hold and another pair of footsteps next to mine as I journey along this road of life.

Yet,

God never promised to fulfil these earthly desires.

So far, His answers have been no, no and no.

The NO refrain is a hard pill to swallow,

Especially when so many other people have been given the yes, the go ahead, the try again.

Why, oh Lord? What do I make of this suffering of singleness?

What can I learn from this hopeless loneliness?

I do not have an answer.

But I know that your will is mysterious and always good.

I know that well in my head.

Yet tonight, my head refuses to speak to my heart.

Rather, this heart refuses to hear reasons from a level-head.

This bitter heart wallows in sorry self-pity.

This broken heart is screaming out its pain.

This wretched heart drowns out the whispers of your love tonight.

Father God, forgive this irrational, grief-stricken heart.

Comfort it and draw it back to you.

Love is nothing, if love is without you.

 

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