Perfection Personified

So, last night was amazing.
I feel like I got drunk on GD last night and am nursing a hangover today. A really good hangover. I cannot stop thinking about him and my heart continues to ache for him.
He was so beautiful and charismatic.
He looked so fashionable in everything he adorned.
Every dance move, every flick of his hair, every finger lifted was just oozing with manliness.
His songs were like lyrical whirlpools that sucked me in and drowned me in the sea of his melodious dulcet tones.
He spoke to his audience only very briefly, in English. And though his pronunciation carried a strong Korean twang that was difficult to decipher at times, you cannot help but love him more, simply because he tried.

Admittedly, the sound system wasn’t the most impressive and at times I struggled to figure out if I was hearing him sing live or if it was the back-up track.
Admittedly, it was too crowded in the standing zone with everyone pushing forward and that felt uncomfortable.
Admittedly, my feet were hella sore from 4 hours of being on my feet.
But despite all these, it was all worth it.
GD was perfect.

It was so good to be able to see him up close. For 2 hrs, this man of my dreams was real- standing right in front of me, breathing the same air I breathed.
I melted when I finally saw that gorgeous breath-snatching smile for the first time in real life- the magical smile that has powers to push the corners of my own lips upward.
He was mesmerising. I could not take my eyes off him. I could not even bear to look away for a second- not to watch his backup dancers twirling around beside him, not to even glance at the band members he was introducing, and certainly not to look at my camera’s view finder as I struggled to capture every blessed moment of him standing right before my eyes. My gaze was completely and utterly fixed onto him- my GD.

I am besotted.

However, despite all that perceived perfection, I got a strong feeling that he was sad. I could not see any fire in his eyes. He sang song after song according to the plan… but I found him wanting. Wanting of soul and passion and of joy. At times, it seemed as though he was just going through the motions. Other times, he would cover his eyes with his hand or hat or even bury his head in his arm to avoid eye contact. The melancholy that he always seems to be shrouded in was even more obvious in real life. It felt as if this stunningly successful young man was secretly but seriously hurting on the inside. My heart went out to him when I saw tears welling up in his eyes, and I just wanted to pull him closer into a sweet embrace.

Tonight, GD plays his gig in London. I, on the other hand am leaving Birmingham to go home back up north. I miss him dearly already.

Ji Yong, please stay safe in the army and come back soon after your 2 years of military service. In the meantime, I will work hard on learning Korean and losing weight to become the best version of myself… Hopefully, I will see you again then, and you will see me too.


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