Failed the fucker

Pardon my language. At Stage 2 of my usual coping strategy at present (see Coping Strategies)

I thought I had it in the bag after sailing through a really straightforward clinical anaesthesia viva in the morning.

The afternoon was a lot less pleasant, and I almost certainly fell down on my clinical sciences. I also realised by the end of the afternoon that I had taken a completely wrong route for revising for the science viva. They never wanted me to know stuff down to the detail of the primary exam, but really wanted to focus in on clinical application of the sciences instead.

What a shitty day. After all that nausea, breathlessness, palpitations and queasiness, the FRCA is still not mine to enjoy. The suffering is prolonged yet again, and will no doubt involve more sacrifices of precious time and my mental health.

Been feeling ashamed all evening as I texted all the people who have helped me along hitherto with my bad news. Took the train of shame back home and am now strategising on how to hold my head up high at work tomorrow.

Pissed off as heck at the moment, though I’m sure a moment of thoughtful reflection will strike later on.

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