For the last couple of days, I have been bearing some nasty feelings towards a colleague at work. It is not nice to feel what I feel about him, and I occasionally feel guilty for harbouring all the malicious mutterings in my heart. But I just cannot help it! I can be studying, or cooking, or getting into the bath, and suddenly his repulsive countenance would appear in my mind’s eye, and I will think about how rude and loathsome he is. I judge him every time he pops up in my thoughts, and my dislike for him grows exponentially every time I remind myself of how much he drives me up the wall.
The man is ill-mannered, sarcastic, arrogant, and possesses no communication skills whatsoever. He is everything that I detest about a man put in one person. I am left exasperated and offended after every encounter with him, and I cannot wait for the day we rotate away from our current hospital and I will hopefully never see him again. I am determined to avoid him and tolerate him, and I refuse to be hypocritical in pretending that I even like him vaguely as a colleague.
I have not felt so strongly against another person for a very long time. In the past, when I did have issues with other people, I often managed to resolve them because I could actually communicate with these other people and they mostly do possess some feature that made me at least respect them. Not this time. After 9 months of trying to befriend and understand this fellow, I have given up. He is now my trial, my tribulation.
I really cannot stand this person, and I resent him even more for making me feel so guilty before the Lord. God teaches us to “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” Matthew 5:44. How difficult it is to do so! I can barely tolerate this person, how can I even contemplate loving him?
Jesus can, and He does. What incomprehensible and unconditional love. Love that forgives us for being the hateful people we are. Love that cursed away our vile and pungence. Love that was extended to me and to him.
Lord, help me to forgive him, and then to love him (<– that was really hard to write/ ask for)