Victor King, I know of someone like you

There is a Korean American guy who exists in Youtube-land called Victor Kim. He breakdances, sings, paints, designs, plays the ukelele, strums the guitar and tickles the ivories on a piano. I came across his most recent video that I found absolutely stunning- a cover of Adele’s “Someone like you”. Now, I’m not normally a fan of covers but this one totally blew me away. I never really liked the song when I heard Adele’s version, but I completely changed my mind after 4 1/2 minutes of Victor’s magic. This is definitely Victor’s best performance yet.

** Are those camera skills awesome or what?

Victor and his music have touched something raw in my heart somehow. I used to (secretly) love a man who was multi-talented like him, who was popular with all the girls like him, who used to serenade me with a voice so tender and alluring like him. A man I dared to love, but lacked the courage to profess it. And the lyrics of this song! Oh the lyrics! The very words that I want to say out loud, yet will never be able to vocalise. Words that I have now carefully hidden at the bottom of my heart. Words that I will sing softly when I am desperately missing him…

I heard that you’re settled down
That you found a girl and you’re married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn’t give to you.

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain’t like you to hold back or hide from the light.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it.
I had hoped you’d see my face and that you’d be reminded
That for me it isn’t over.

Never mind, I’ll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don’t forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
“Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,”
Yeah.

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it.
I had hoped you’d see my face and that you’d be reminded
That for me it isn’t over.

Never mind, I’ll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don’t forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
“Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.”

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind, I’ll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don’t forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
“Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.”

Queen of procrastination

I am the queen of procrastination.

Sometimes I wish I am as organised and motivated as some of my friends are. I wish I am one of those people who just get on and do what needs to be done. No dilly-dallying and faffing around, or leaving everything till the last minute.

It’s 2330h on Sunday night now and I am still making every effort to prevent myself from:

1. Replying emails

2. Signing up for courses

3. Sending off workplace based assessments to my consultants (this is already 2 weeks late)

4. Logging my cases (this is also 2 weeks late)

I’m getting really pissed off and impatient with myself now. Time is such a precious commodity, yet I waste it everyday. I behave almost as if time is but dirt on my shoe, and I can dust it away without much as a second thought. Every passing second is a second gone forever, so why have I still not learnt to cherish it? The Lord has blessed me with every minute and every breath that I take. He expects me to use it like a talent, to bring forth good yield from the time He has given me. Yet here I am, gladly delivering hours and days of my life into the hands of history without making much of a mark on the pages of my life.

I want to paint my life a stunning picture. I want to fill every inch of the canvass that is my lifetime with striking hues. So grasp firmly onto your youth and vitality J, live and love, and create memories that you can one day look back on and smile at…

Time and tide wait for no man, so make hay while the sun shines.

Paint me a pretty picture with the music from your soul

I had a great evening at music practice for Vicky’s wedding last night. Since September, Ruth and I have been getting together on a (semi) regular basis to work on our performance for the register signing “segment” of the wedding. Ruth has been ever so patient with me since our practices started… she’s had to teach me everything from scratch- from counting beats to learning the tunes to understanding what “f” or “mf” or “piano” means on the sheet music… I’ve had to learn it all from her. No more jazzing up the music for me (for now), I’ve got to follow the rules and sing it as it is written. We have had a total of 5 rehearsals so far, and I dare say that we are sounding pretty good. We performed for the to-be-newly-weds last night, and they seem pleased with what we have done.

To be honest, I still can’t believe that I will be the soloist at Vicky’s wedding this December. I remember how this all happened… In 5th year (I think it was during one of my sleepovers at her’s and we were watching and singing along to high school musical), Vicky (who was then single) said that she would like me to sing at her wedding in the future because she loved my voice. I agreed to it without much hesitation then, firstly because I genuinely did want to sing for her, and secondly because I didn’t think she would be getting married anytime soon. During our F1 year, Vicky went away to work in Swindon and there started dating Chris. Within a year, they got engaged and she certainly hadn’t forgotten my promise to her from 2 years ago. I was never going to regret my promise, but boy am I nervous about this whole thing! I’ve loved the practices and certainly enjoy the singing, but this is my good friend’s wedding and I don’t want to let her down.

Speaking of love songs… I want to share an awesome 5 minutes of heart-melting love tunes by my favourite Lee Hom:

His version of “Baby can I hold you” is totally mind-blowing! Especially how he started with “Sorry~”  Oh my word, I was speechless and totally in awe. How soulful, how melancholic, how heart wrenching! I want to be able to sing like him!

I am desperate to watch his 火力全開 concert this year as this is the first time in 8 years that I will be back in Asia during the promotional period for his latest album. Unfortunately, as far as I am aware, he only has concerts scheduled in Taiwan so far. I’ve entered myself into a lucky draw for his concert tickets + return flights to Taipei, and I have been hoping against hope that I will be able to win myself the best birthday present this November. I doubt it though, seeing as his concert will be held this time next week and I have yet to receive an email/phonecall to say that I have won myself a chance to go and see the musicman in action! ): I’m keeping my fingers crossed however, as miracles do happen.

Well, whilst I am on the topic of being engaged in nice activities such as singing, I should probably inform you that I have taken my own advice and picked up paintbrushes for the first time in 4 years today! I went to the paint pots ceramic studio and painted myself a bowl! It was so awesome and I was totally lost in my work. I had completely forgotten how lovely it is to immerse myself in creativity and colours, and I felt like I have finally breathed again this afternoon. Adults and little children took it in turns to come and admire my art piece. One lady even called me a “real painter”! Now, I haven’t heard that in a while.

It was so lovely, so, so lovely. The artist in me has awoken today.

J

Worried for a friend

One of my closest friends from University seems to be in trouble.

I don’t know what trouble, but a couple of our mutual friends (with whom he has confided in) seem genuinely worried about him. I was chatting to B yesterday who said “I’m very very worried about him. He is at a cross-roads now, and is imminently in danger of giving up his faith in Christ. You said you feel that he is distancing himself from everybody else– well, the truth is that he is.”

I don’t want to know what’s going on because my said friend has obviously chosen not to tell me his problems, but this is huge. I love this friend to bits. He has been a real friend and brother to me in the last 7.5 years. He has been one of the most loving, generous, hospitable, smart and gifted (in cooking no less) person I know. We have laughed and cried and prayed and praised God together and I’ve always thanked God that I’ve been able to witness his conversion, baptism, growth, and selfless service in the name of the Lord.

I have been distracted throughout most of today considering what B said to me about him last night. I don’t want this friend to turn his back to God, or to distance himself from the true love, hope and peace that only Christ can offer. I  don’t want him to be tempted by fleeting worldly treasures and pleasures, only to be devoured by the brokenness and hopelessness of this secular place in which we are simply passing through. Today, I find myself grieving the potential loss of a dear friend.

Lord God, please will you hang on to him. Grab him in your hands and never let go, even when he seems desperate to break away from you. Lord Jesus, please be merciful. Use the same power that you used to overcome death’s sting to shield my friend from the devil and its ways. God, please rekindle his first love for you. And teach me Lord, to be a crutch for him at this difficult time of his life.

And to my dear friend in trouble:

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the Lord of grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 5:7-11

I am praying daily that you choose not to be a prodigal son.

依然愛你

All those who know me will know that I absolutely adore Lee Hom. Mum and Dad hardly ever send me anything by post, but the one thing that is absolutely mandatory for them to send me each year is a copy of Lee Hom’s latest album. Excitement swelled when I found his newest disc in my mailbox a couple of weeks ago. I was having a particularly difficult time at work then, and it couldn’t have arrived at a better time. Listening to Lee Hom never fails to lift my spirits. His voice is so beautiful, his tunes always so haunting, his creativity so mind-blowing. I am ever thankful to God for blessing the world with such a talented man, who in turn blesses us with his wonderful gift of music. I have been captured by his music for a whopping 10 years now, and my adoration for him remains as bright a spark as it had been right at the start. How fitting it is then, that his newest song should be entitled 依然愛你.

我依然愛你 或許是 命中注定
多年之後 任何人都無法代替
那些時光 是我這一輩子最美好的
那些回憶 依然無法忘記

I was watching “the making of” his 依然愛你 music video on Wong Fu Production’s Youtube channel. The video is really a documentation of Philip and Wes’s first ever venture into directing a music video for Asia’s biggest superstar. It moved me to see how much hard work they’d put into producing the 5 minute long video. Their dedication towards their work and interest was truly inspiring… which naturally leads me on to think about what my passion is, and where my interests lie…

I remember that I used to be a sparky young girl full of enthusiasm for the performing arts. Acting was my main interest, and I loved being on centre-stage, soaking up the bright spotlight and basking in loud applause from the audience. I enjoyed memorising new lines, working on appropriate body language, rehearsing, rehearsing, rehearsing. Theatreworks was my first love. The time came, however, when I was no longer the preferred female lead. In the world around me, talented performers appeared to mushroom out from all directions. Auditions were no longer a breeze to me and I found myself being relegated to the backstage more and more. And then, University life came knocking. I moved away to a land where my accent stood out like a sore thumb, and I knew I would never get picked for roles for this very reason. I feared rejection, and foolishly walked away from my beloved theatre before it walked away from me. Our relationship ended there, but 我依然愛你。

Medicine then gobbled me up as if I was the most delicious dish on the menu. The last 7 years of my life have been dedicated towards learning and perfecting the art of doctoring. Being a doctor is great, you have skills that enable you to save others from the Grim Reaper’s claws, you can touch people’s lives and help make them better, you are respected for your knowledge and applauded for your work… However, despite the fact that I cannot see myself working as anything else but a doctor, I do often ponder if medicine truly is the reason I wake up every morning. I think the answer is resounding no.

What is my passion then? Art and craft? I used to enjoy creating beautiful pieces of work from raw materials and playing with colour and design. However, it is truly not my forte, and I have to admit that laziness has come between the two of us. Gone are the days when I would pick up my sketchbook and some crayons to draw beautiful pictures of the things around me. Gone are the days when I would paint glass, paint fabric, paint skin. Gone are the days when I would try making cards with plastic or parchment, or attempt to bead shoes and crochet bags. As I abandoned art, I think I accidentally abandoned creativity and imagination. I am sorry, please come back to me, 因為我依然愛你。

I am always full of admiration for people who pursue and perfect their first love. Lee Hom, Wong Fu, the Quest Crew… I have indulged myself in watching multiple videos of them on Youtube. I enjoy seeing them exuding the glow of joy and satisfaction as they show off their craft, and often wish that I could be doing the same too. I would prefer that 100 times more to being the stupid young lady who whiles her time away behind the computer watching other people lead their lives and fulfil their dreams. Yes seriously J, you need to wake up and start living your own life! Acting, singing, art… please don’t turn your back on them anymore. Let them co-exist with medicine: the current selfish occupier of all your time and energy. Live your dreams, so that you won’t grow old full of regret.

J

Genesis

Why hello.

I have been contemplating getting a blog for the longest time ever (I think the first time I considered it I was probably 15 years old?), and today it has finally materialised.

I like writing, but I do admit that I lack the discipline to sit down, organise my thoughts and allow words to flow from my pen. I hope that keeping an online journal would prove a lot easier than keeping a real diary, but I guess only time will tell…

I want to use this little corner of the internet to reflect, contemplate life, and to muse. May the Lord use my words to teach me, and to encourage you.

J